Work Life Unbalanced

Welcome to Work-Life Unbalanced

Ramblings of a Recent Retiree

Welcome to my blog

At age 60 I retired and it has made me very introspective. I wanted to share some learnings and advice I was given throughout my career and life. Hopefully, you see value in these learnings.

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On 12/31/2021 I will officially retire from the corporate world. I started working at Isaly’s when I was 14 years old. Isaly’s for those of you too young to know was a deli of sorts with a lunch counter. My years at Isaly’s were spent working the cash register, slicing deli meat, and working the lunch counter where I made hamburgers, fries, and served up custard (soft serve ice cream for those of you not from Western PA). I wanted to work because I wanted to be financially independent. That’s all I ever wanted since I was 14 years old. I didn’t want to have to depend on anyone for my financial well-being.

Learning #1 from nobody famous – 12/14/2021

My Parents Taught Me Humility Among Other Things

We didn’t have much money growing up. My wonderful father worked two jobs. He left the house at 7:00 am and got home at 10:00 pm on weekdays. My Dad taught high school kids how to do autobody work on cars. He taught day and night classes. He got a dinner break and would come home to eat with us every day driving back and forth about 40 minutes each way so he could eat with his family. I learned many things from him, not the least of which was my work ethic. More on my Dad’s advice in future posts.

My loving mother would get us off to school in the morning then go to my grandmother’s to take care of her then meet us at home for lunch and finally have dinner waiting for us when we got home from school for the day. She essentially took care of two households because it was the right thing to do. She later went to work in the local library in the Genealogy Department after we graduated. Mom loved that job because she helped people learn about their ancestry which was so important to her.

Both of my parents worked very hard, loved their family unconditionally, and gave us whatever they had even if they couldn’t afford it. I learned many things from both of them including treating people with respect and dignity (“you aren’t better than anyone and they aren’t better than you”), if you want to buy something save up for it and pay cash, and that the simple things in life matter most. Grand gestures made them uncomfortable. I learned that early on when I bought my Dad a new car when I made partner at Hewitt. It made him very uncomfortable because I spent more than he thought I should be able to. All of these teachings from my humble beginnings formed who I am as a person.

I Retire with Mixed Emotions but it’s Time

I am very proud of my accomplishments from my job at Hewitt Associates. We were like a startup in a larger company. I led a team of 140 young people. In some regards, I felt like I was raising 140 kids as they were in their 20s and 30s and joined us right out of college. I loved that job so much because it was very entrepreneurial and I got to build a lot of leadership skills. I learned so much and had the best mentor I ever had in my career. He was the biggest influence in my career and taught me to listen more and to encourage people to do things they didn’t think they could do. We also taught each other about Straight Talk (giving constructive feedback even when it’s hard in the spirit of making the relationship better). Some of my best friends are from that chapter in my life. And they are some of the best people in the industry. They taught me so much. I hope I taught them something too.

The job I am retiring from was also very entrepreneurial (are you seeing a pattern) and allowed me to build a team and function that didn’t exist previously. We hired and onboarded 15-ish people, created processes and tools that didn’t exist, positively influenced the culture of a very large company in ways they weren’t quite comfortable with and helped people understand that you can negotiate with clients instead of just giving them what they want. We operated as a startup within a large company with all the pluses of both. I am so proud of my Team. The people are some of the best I’ve ever worked with (many of them are from Hewitt Associates too) and I worked with a lot of good people in my career. We learned a lot from each other, disagreed respectfully, pushed each other to be better, and had a positive impact on our company’s bottom line. I will miss my Team dearly but they have each other’s backs and will do many more great things.

In my career and personal life, I learned many things about people, life, and leadership. I kept a list of advice, learnings, quotes that were particularly helpful to me. In this blog, I will share these items that I have been writing down all these years and I invite you to comment as well.

These learnings are in no particular order. Each is a standalone thought. I hope you see value in my ramblings. And, remember they are personal to me and have helped me live and work my authentic life. I hope you find a tidbit in this blog that will resonate with you and you will pass it on.

The first learning I will share with you comes from that mentor I mentioned that I had a Hewitt Associates. I will never forget this story and what it has meant to me. Thank you Mark for sharing this with us. You are a class act.

That’s it for Learning #1.

Stay humble. Be Kind. Work Hard.

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Learning #2 – Words to live by – 12/21/2021

Love hard, forgive harder, get happy as you can as fast as you can

I saw this very funny comedian recently named Monique Marvez. She is hilarious and a little raunchy which is what made her so funny. I recommend watching her set on Youtube. Women will appreciate it more than men but she is crazy funny.

At the end of her segment, she said:

1) love hard, your heart is a muscle;

2) forgive harder which is not always easy to do; and

3) get as happy as you can as fast as you can because it’s nobody’s job but yours.

I couldn’t write this advice down fast enough. Here’s my take on Monique’s advice.

Love hard. The way I see it if you aren’t going to love hard, why love at all. People say “I love you” all the time to friends, acquaintances, family, and their significant others. That’s not loving hard. Loving hard is when you look past the little things and unconditionally and vehemently support your loved ones in a way that they know that you are completely committed to them. Loving hard means showing affection when seeing your loved ones and when you leave them. Loving hard means never going to bed angry and always kissing your partner good night. Loving hard means being a better person so your loved ones will be proud of you. Loving hard is all these things and more. Not many people these days love hard and that’s a real shame.

Forgive harder. I get pissed off by little things. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m pissed about. When I was younger and more stubborn I would get mad at someone and wouldn’t get over it for a really long time. When I look back at those situations, I realize that what happened or what was said really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I lost some people that I cared about because of petty arguments that I can’t even remember at this point. So, my advice to you is don’t hold on to petty little things that really don’t matter at all. People in your life are precious, you’ll realize that when they are gone. Don’t wait for them to be gone to realize that not much in life is worth losing someone you care about over. At this point in my life, I commit to forgiving harder, to not losing another friend or loved one over some stupid disagreement. Too bad it took me 60 years to realize this. Be better at this than me.

Get as happy as you can as fast as you can. I turned 60 this year. I don’t know how that happened. I remember being in college and pledging Kappa Kappa Gamma at the University of Pittsburgh in 1980. I have such fond memories of those friendships and experiences. It was freakin’ awesome! Then I remember moving to California at 27 and getting the best job ever at Hewitt Associates. My whole group was in their 20s and most of us were from somewhere else so we lived the California dream together and it was freakin’ awesome as well!

I was at my happiest in those years. Then life happened, work happened, the quest for wealth and material things happened and I lost sight of my happiness for a long time. Years went by and I never focused on being happy; I focused on my career at the expense of my personal life (the unbalanced part of the blog).

My advice to you is always, always, always focus on your happiness first. If you aren’t happy your relationships will suffer, your health will suffer, and you will wake up at 60 wanting a second chance at all those years. One of my mentors told me “do what’s right for you because your employer will always do what’s right for them.” Don’t put your career in front of your happiness. You can do without that new car, bigger house, or fancy vacation. None of that matters if you aren’t truly happy and healthy. All those expensive things I worked so hard for don’t make me happy. Simple things like taking my Mom for ice cream, binge-watching something like Selling Sunset (don’t judge me), or reading a book where I learn something make me happy. What simple things make you happy? Figure that out sooner rather than later to be as happy as you can as fast as you can.

Your happiness should be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep at night. Put your happiness first; no one else will.

That’s it for Learning #2. Thank you Monique Marvez for your wise words.

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #3 – Recipe for Career Success – 1/3/2022

Today is my first official day of retirement. I have say it’s weird. For the first time in years, I didn’t reach for my phone as soon as I opened my eyes to check work e-mail. It’s 3:00 PT and I haven’t gotten out of my pajamas yet. No Zoom calls so why bother? Ever since I was 22 and working at my first job at Mellon Bank I’d feel that sense of dread that I got on Sunday afternoon thinking about going to work on Monday. Instead, yesterday I felt a sense of peace that made me downright giddy.

I thought since it was my first day of retirement that this post should focus on the work part of this blog so here goes. I had a few great mentors in my career and they taught me that succeeding at work wasn’t very hard. It boiled down to three simple principles:

Do your day job well;
Contribute beyond your day job; and,
Get along with people.

I know it sounds too simple but I think we overcomplicate most things in life. If we just “keep it simple stupid” we’d have a lot less stress in our lives.

Here are my thoughts on these three principles:

Do your day job well. This is “table stakes” as my Dad used to say. You have to do your job well, meet your assigned goals, and perform with little to no drama to earn your base pay. This should be easy, right? Well, it can be if you keep your head down, don’t get mucked up in the politics, and are in touch with your skills. The last one is hard for some people. They have a more inflated sense of their skillset and think they are better than they are. This can be a problem. You should have a realistic sense of your skills, first and foremost. If you are realistic about your skillset you will know when to ask for help. Being self-aware is probably the most important thing you can be in work and life. Know what you are good at and what you need help with. It’s better to ask for help than to not meet your goals because you were too stubborn or overconfident in your abilities. Don’t be too proud to ask for help, your manager will see it as a strength, not a weakness. At least I know I did.

Most companies have a base and bonus structure for pay. Doing your day job well is what you need to do to earn your base salary and perhaps get a base increase (if your company does base pay increases, some don’t). Remember, doing your day job well, not just doing your day job is table stakes to earn your base pay. The well part is where some people really miss the mark. They are just average but think they are above average. That is a fatal flaw in my opinion. You have to be in touch with your skills, ask for help where appropriate, and keep learning new things. Self-aware people jump to the top of the heap.

Contribute beyond your day job. This is what makes you stand out from the pack. It’s what determines if you are exceeding expectations or just meeting them. This is how you maximize your bonus or other incentive pay. You first need to do your day job well and then you need to do things to make your team or company better. This is what contributing beyond your day job means. Don’t wait to be told to do something, take the initiative and do it because you see the need and think it will help the team. People who contribute beyond their day jobs consistently are the ones who get noticed, are paid higher bonuses, and who get tapped for opportunities. Also, note that contributing beyond your day job is for the greater good of your team or company, not for your greater good. And, you have to be sincere in these contributions, they can’t just be for show. Your manager will see through your motivations. They need to be pure.

All that said, you can’t skip over #1 and just do #2 because that won’t be good for you in the long run. I can’t say enough how important this step is if you want to maximize your career potential.

Get along with people. This may be the most important advice I was ever given. Getting along with people is critical to your success. I have managed a lot of really strong people who had personality conflicts with people and that held them back from realizing their full potential. When people struggle at work it’s usually that 25% of the time they don’t have the skills necessary to do the job and 75% because they can’t get along with people for whatever reason. This is why I think the best performers are in tune with their communication styles and those of others and can flex their styles to work best with all types of people.

The first thing I do when building a team is to have everyone take an assessment of their communication style. I’ve used different types of instruments but DISC is my favorite. It’s simple and insightful and helps people see how they like to be communicated with and how they come across to others. There are a lot of ah-ha’s from taking an instrument like DISC. I believe that being self-aware is the #1 success factor in life. If you don’t know how you come across to people how can you flex your style to work more effectively with others? You can’t. Once you know your communication style you then can look at others’ styles and understand how they like to communicate. Knowing how the other person likes to communicate and what’s important to them will make you more effective at “getting along with people”.

I have found that once people go through a communication style instrument they can easily determine others’ styles and can then flex their style to work more effectively with them. Don’t underestimate your ability to quickly figure out how to get along better with others. People like to work with people they like. You can get along with all types of people if you know how they prefer to communicate.

I will have another Blog post about StraighTalk that will discuss how best to give and receive feedback when there truly is a conflict that needs to be resolved. That’s for another day.

So, follow these three easy principles and I believe you will maximize your potential at work, if that’s what you want. I have managed lots of people who just wanted to do their jobs and didn’t aspire to be promoted or to develop other skills. If that’s what makes you happy then you can probably just focus on #1 and #3. Remember it’s all about getting as happy as you can as fast as you can. Nothing else really matters.

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #4 – are you guessing or do you know? – 1/29/2022

Sorry for the delay in blog post #4, COVID happened. I’m here to tell you that it’s no joke folks. Knocked me out for two weeks and I’m still not 100%. Wear your masks, don’t take risks as hard as it is not to be around people, and don’t let your guard down. My doctor said you are one breath away from Omicron; it’s that contagious. And, the sub-variant that is out there now is even more contagious. Be smart.

This post is for all you aspiring salespeople out there who are constantly honing your craft. It was some of the best unofficial sales training I ever received while at Hewitt. We had a salesperson at Hewitt who was considered by most as one of the best anyone had ever seen. I didn’t necessarily agree with his tactics and wasn’t hoodwinked by his “nice, humble, mid-western” style but many others worshipped him and he brought in all the big deals so maybe they were right about him.

Let’s call him Ryan. When brainstorming a deal with Ryan, he used to always say, “are you guessing or do you know” whenever we’d discuss the situation. That question frustrated the hell out of me because in most cases, I was guessing. I thought my gut and my ability to size up people made me able to know what they were thinking. Most salespeople have this fatal flaw. We think we are that good; that we can figure out what the buyer is thinking/doing. I’m here to tell you we are not that good.

To maximize your chances of winning the deal, you have to “know” what the buyer is thinking, not “guess” at what you think they are thinking. So, how do you find out, you ask? You have to ask questions, lots of questions. You have to unpack the answers you get and ask more questions. Ryan would make me nuts when I talked to him but he never gave an opinion he always just asked me more questions. He did this to make me realize that I didn’t really “know”; I was “guessing”.

So, what I took from his approach was that I had to get better at asking questions, listening, and unpacking the answers with more questions if I wanted to maximize my chances of offering the buyer exactly what he/she wanted. Oftentimes salespeople think they know what the buyer needs so they go in guns blazing with their proposed, perceived brilliant solution.

How many times have you missed the mark with that solution because you were “guessing”? I’m betting the answer is a lot if you are being honest. Think how simple this is. Your kids do it at an early age. They ask a million questions a day. How many of you had the two-year-old who asked “why” every time you told him/her to do something or when they observed you doing something. They get it at two but as we grow our egos make us think we already know better. Channel your inner two-year-old to be a better salesperson.

After I settled in with this “are you guessing or do you know?” lesson as being the most important skill I could learn as a salesperson, I took it to heart and came up with a framework for teasing out the information from buyers.

It goes something like this:

Go into the conversation with a plan. Know what information you want to get and think through the initial questions you are going to ask to get that information. Don’t make the fundamental mistake that most salespeople do; they think they are so good they can just wing it. The really good salespeople don’t wing it; they are calculated and planful.
Ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions deliver unexpected, insightful responses. It’s not always easy to ask open-ended questions, you have to work at it.
Unpack the answers with more questions. Unpacking signals you’re listening, that you care and want to know more.
Practice strategic silence (or as I like to say, just shut up). Many of my Team members have heard me say that the average person can’t stand more than seven seconds of silence so if you just shut up, the person will fill in the awkwardness with more information. The best thing you can do if you don’t get the answer you need is to say nothing (pretend you are taking notes). The next best thing you can do is to respond with “Say more about that.”
Be conversational in your tone. People are more forthcoming when they are having a conversation rather than feeling interrogated. Frame your questions in a casual tone; don’t interrogate the buyer.
Sequence your questions to get to what you really want to know. It’s important to feel out what mood the other party is in and sequence the questions based on that mood. In my opinion, if they are in a standoffish mood, I’d build up to any controversial questions. Build rapport first with easier questions then ultimately get to the tough ones but get to the tough questions as that is the reason for the conversation with them.

This takes practice even for good salespeople. Getting the buyer to articulate what’s really going on and what they are really after will make maximize your chances of winning and make your offer much more on point. I have had situations where after the sale the buyer said “it’s like you read my mind”. I didn’t read their mind, I just asked enough questions to get to their needs/wants so I wasn’t guessing. And, in most organizations, we have senior leaders or pricing committees that we have to go to for approval on our financial offers. When you show up “knowing” what the client is thinking and wants you have a better chance of getting the offer you want from those approvers. If you show up “guessing” chances are you will not get what you want and be asked to go back and get more information. Do the work before you go to these approvers if you want to get what you need for your strongest offer. And, just to say it, it’s not always about price. Weaker salespeople want to throw money at the situation because they are too lazy to do the work to find out.

This approach can be applied in many situations not just sales. If you want to have a better relationship with someone take the time to ask questions, listen, and ask more questions rather than thinking you know what the other person wants. Get them to tell you so you won’t be “guessing”, you will “know”. Relationships would be a lot better if people weren’t guessing at what their partner wanted.

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #5 – The difference between money and time – 2/9/2022

In June 2010 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was life-changing in many ways. I had an annual mammogram since I was 30 years old because I had a history of breast cancer in my family. I thought nothing of it, it was just something I had to do every year so I just did it.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I went to Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach for the screening. The technician did my mammogram and asked me to wait for the radiologist to look at the images. I remember the doctor coming into the room and saying that she saw some calcifications on the films. She did an ultrasound and decided that I needed to have a biopsy done because of the irregularity. The doctor was a young, Asian woman who was very calming and assured me that it was nothing to worry about. I believed her. Hoag was booked for a week so I couldn’t go back for the biopsy for about five days (which seemed like an eternity to me).

I remember hurrying back home to work that day. I had just started my job eight months prior and was in a new role for the company so was doing everything in my power to make the role successful.

The following week I went back to Hoag Imaging for the biopsy. I was nervous but again I was sure it was nothing. Hoag had a policy at that time to have a volunteer sit through the procedure with you if you were alone. My volunteer was a woman in her 70s named Grace. She was very nice and very calming. She could tell I was nervous, so she did her best to reassure me. I remember her touching my hand and my back gently when I was laying on the table face down waiting for the radiologist to do the procedure. Grace had no idea how important she was to me that day and how much she helped me. More on this later.

After the biopsy, I again hurried home so I could get back to work. Two days later I received a call from the radiologist saying that the biopsy was malignant and that I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) which was early-stage breast cancer. The good news was it was caught early; the bad news was it was cancer.

You can’t understand how someone feels the moment that they hear they have cancer unless you’ve gone through it yourself. You are in shock, in disbelief, and are utterly numb. It’s like you are watching a movie and it’s not happening to you.

Now, here’s the real reason for this post. I was just diagnosed with breast cancer at age 49. I had to have surgery and possibly radiation and chemo so I should have been focused on that and on getting better. Instead, my first reaction was “I can’t take time off, I don’t want this to negatively affect my bonus or my career.” I don’t want my bonus to be affected, are you kidding me!? That’s what I was worried about. I was worried about how having cancer would impact my financial situation. Talk about not having my priorities in order.

I remember calling my close friends, my family, and my manager to let them know what was going on. All were very supportive, including my manager who I was so worried about telling. Her reaction was “don’t give work another thought; just focus on your health”. To this day she has no idea how much I needed to hear that. Although I was still concerned about the impact on my bonus and my career. And honestly, I didn’t need the money, it was just how I was conditioned.

I immediately jumped into project management mode. I met with surgeons, oncologists, radiologists, genetic counselors, to get my treatment plan lined up. Fast forward to August when I had my surgery on a Wednesday. It went well. They removed the cancer and no lymph nodes were affected. This meant that I wouldn’t need radiation or chemo. I just needed to heal from the surgery, take an oral chemo drug for five years and my ordeal was over.

Even after hearing what my boss said about focusing on my health, I was back on email the day after my surgery. That’s right, I was in a lot of pain and could hardly move my right arm but I still managed to get on email the next day because I “didn’t want my bonus to be impacted.” Perspective, right?

One month after surgery I went to meet with my oncologist. I walked into her office and sat down. I remember scanning the walls to see her diplomas. Her diplomas were the least interesting thing on her wall.

Know what getting hit in the head with a baseball bat feels like? I knew at that moment.

My oncologist had a framed sign on her wall that said:

“The difference between money and time: you always know how much money you have but you never know how much time you have.” Drop the mic.

That sign hit me like a ton of bricks. Why in the world did I care about my bonus? It was a rounding error in my overall financial situation. I could have been seriously ill but instead, I was worried about a rounding error.

So folks, please, please take this to heart, you do not know how much time you have left. Spend that time doing things you love with people you love. Money is a means to an end, not your reason for being. The simple things in life don’t cost a lot of money. And it is the simple things that you will remember and cherish. I promise you that sign on the wall of the oncologist’s office changed my perspective 180 degrees. There was not one day after that that I cared about working more or harder to make more money. I had enough and if I didn’t have enough, I could change my lifestyle to make it enough. I wish you enough.

And as for Grace, my Hoag volunteer, I reached out to the hospital a year later to find her. I asked Grace if I could buy her coffee. I wanted to tell her how much it meant to me that she was with me that day. Remember the Starfish Poem from Learning #2? I wanted Grace to know that what she did that day “made a difference to me”. I gave her a starfish and have continued to carry around starfish with me and have given them to people who made a difference in my life. Because you see, it’s about the little things.

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #6 – One rule – 6/9/2022

I have not posted for a while because I took a consulting job at my former company and didn’t want to be controversial while I was there. I have a lot to say about Corporate America but will save that post for once I am fully retired again! This post is short and sweet because you don’t have to say a lot about it to understand it’s value. Here goes.

Given all that is going on in the world I wanted to highlight something that my cousin used to teach her kindergarten class each year that I think we could all learn from.

My cousin Debi recently retired from teaching kindergarten after 40 years. She was one of those teachers that touches your life forever. We all can remember a teacher like that. Debi was a very positive influence in her kids lives. She loved her students as if they were her own kids or grandkids. She taught them life lessons at age 5 and she didn’t just babysit them. Her creativity was inspiring.

Debi had a sign up on the chalkboard that had the one rule they had to follow in her classroom. It said “Never hurt anyone on the inside or the outside.” I’ll let that hang there for a while…”Never hurt anyone on the inside or the outside.” She didn’t tolerate bullies or bad behavior. She taught kids respect, consideration for others, and love for everyone at an early age. Imagine if all people lived by that one rule. It’s simple, it’s eloquent, and it is easy to embody.

Imagine if every kid was brought up with this one rule what a much better place this world would be. Thank you Debi for being the kind of role model that is desperately needed today.

I challenge each of you with kids to teach them this rule no matter how old they are. And, let’s all try to live this way going forward. Maybe a few people trying to course correct this world can make a small difference. #neverhurtanyoneontheinsideortheoutside

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #7 – Work would be great if it wasn’t for the people – 7/23/2022

Disclaimer

I warn you that this post isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s not inspirational but it is real whether you agree with it or not. Read at your own risk. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

People Suck

For as long as I can remember, I have been saying that when I retired, I would write a book called “People Suck”. Not because all people suck but because many people do, especially at work. My HR friends and I had a running joke when a situation would happen at work that I was going to “put it in my book”. Instead of a book, I decided to write a blog because I’m pretty sure no publisher would publish a book called “People Suck”.

I am sure there are many more examples you’ve encountered that you think should be added to this list. Feel free to email me and I’ll add it to the list.

Here are just a few of my favorite “people suck” examples. I call each of these fictitious people Karen since that’s fashionable these days.

The “I’m so busy” Karen

Why does “I’m so busy” Karen think she’s the only one who’s busy? And, why does she have to tell me that every time I talk to her? Hey Karen, everyone’s busy. You haven’t cornered the market on busy. This drives me nuts. If you wouldn’t take the time to tell everyone how busy you are maybe you’d free up to actually do your job.

We’re on to you.

The ”Managing up” Karen

This might be my personal favorite. This is the person who doesn’t do their job but makes sure to suck up to their boss to make them think they are good at what they do and of course, “on board” with whatever the initiative of the month is. We all know someone like this. Those of us who work with this person know they aren’t good but the boss (who in most cases is oblivious) is hoodwinked into thinking this person is good. Why are some managers so oblivious? Wake up, managers. And “Managing Up” Karen, you suck. All of us who work with you know you are stealing money from the company. It’s infuriating to those of us who do our jobs well. Do YOUR job, Karen!

We’re on to you.

The “I must’ve missed that email” Karen

This person thinks it’s ok to not respond to emails or voicemails. When you call them to follow up on the email you get “I must’ve missed that email”. Ya, you missed it because you suck and aren’t reading your emails because you are too busy managing up. I guess I never got the memo that said it was ok to ignore people’s emails or voicemails. Read your dang emails and respond so others aren’t waiting on you.

We’re on to you.

The “I should be promoted” Karen

Managers, you’ll appreciate this one. This is the person who thinks they have mastered their current job and should be promoted because they are so good. In reality, most of these people haven’t mastered their current job. They aren’t exceptional performers they just aren’t in touch with their skills. And, they convinced themselves that they are too good for their current job. My favorite part about these people is they expect the company or their manager to find them a better opportunity because after all, they are really good at what they do. Trust me, you’re not as good as you think. Do your day job well, contribute beyond your day job, get along with people, and then someone will tap you for a better opportunity. Put your head down and do your job. In my experience, if you are that good someone will notice and tap you. Don’t expect your manager to find you a new role.

We’re on to you.

The “I’d throw my kids under the bus” Karen

Another example of how people suck at work is the “I’d throw my kids under the bus” Karen. These people never take responsibility for anything. It’s always someone else’s fault. There are a lot of so-called leaders like this that will never take responsibility for a screw-up because they don’t want to look bad so they blame someone who works for/with them. I like to say that these people are Teflon, and that’s not a good thing. How can you trust a co-worker or leader if you’re pretty sure they will throw you under the bus rather than look bad? Real leaders take responsibility for what their people do and coach them so it doesn’t happen again. A good person owns up to his/her shortcomings.

We’re on to you.

The “Sends emails after hours” Karen

This is another one that makes me smile. You all know of one of these Karens. This is the person who sends emails after hours to give people the impression that they are working long hours. The “I’m so busy Karen” usually does this. I’ve even heard of some people logging back on after hours just to send an email they wrote during working hours. This is so manipulative and you aren’t fooling anyone, in fact, you are kind of a butt of many jokes for people who know exactly what you are doing. I know you’re thinking, “I really am working long hours.” Ok so, we all do at times, but we don’t need to publicize it. Nobody cares. Good managers see through this tactic.

We’re on to you.

The “Politically correct leader” Karen

This is a pet peeve of mine. These so-called leaders are just mouthpieces for the company’s hot topic of the month. These leaders get a lot of eye rolls when the “empathetic” memo of the week comes out. They really don’t believe in what they are saying. They are just doing it to show their bosses that they are “on board” to further their ambitions. It’s so transparent. They send notes after every current event talking about the indignity of it all. They sponsor groups or teams that are en vogue to show that they are supporting the company’s initiatives. Some people think this is leadership, I don’t.

Don’t get me wrong if these “leaders” truly believe what they are writing or saying then good for them. Some do believe in the cause. But a lot are just doing it to further their careers and those are the “Politically correct leader” Karens that I’m calling out here.

The best leaders I’ve worked with didn’t feel the need to emote about the injustices in the world, they emulated what was right by their actions behind the scenes and in their day-to-day interactions with people both at work and at home.

In my opinion, real leaders lead quietly. They aren’t so concerned about their upward mobility but rather, they are quietly supporting their people and the company behind the scenes, so quietly that their people don’t even know they are doing it. At the end of the day, these leaders have to look at themselves in the mirror and I hope they don’t like what they see.

We’re on to you.

“When people show you who they are, believe them” – Maya Angelou

That is one of my favorite quotes. In fact, my grandmother used to say this before Maya Angelou was quoted. This wisdom forms the basis for how I study human behavior. Understanding people’s motivations is the key to your success at work and at home. It goes to the “get along with people” rule for how to be most successful. The more you understand people and their motivations, the more successful you will be working with or around them. Yes, you do have to work around people at times. Think about that for a second.

Wow, you’re thinking, “this post was pretty cynical”. It may be cynical but tell me you haven’t worked with some of these people! Seeing people for who they are is important; it will influence how you interact with them and who you want to emulate.

And, while I realize this isn’t an inspirational post, I promised that I’d write a “People Suck” book and these are a few of my observations.

Oh, and if you are one of the above Karens, just know that we’re on to you and you might not be as effective at manipulating us as you think.

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #8 – Real leaders are few and far between – 9/30/2022

Hello friends. I have been struggling with this post for a while. It’s only been a little while since I was fully engaged (or should I say enraged) with Corporate America. For the last six months I’ve been sitting on the sidelines watching, wondering, and analyzing in my own way. The only thing that is clear to me is that the world is upside down.

Today I want to talk about the fundamental lack of leadership in Corporate America and in the world. It has been on my mind for a while, but I couldn’t put it into words until now. Let’s start with Corporate America.

How woke is too woke?

I marvel at the level of political correctness in Corporate America. It’s a good thing I retired when I did because I wouldn’t have been able to play the game as so many other so-called leaders are. There are many new practices that gave me pause but the biggest was around “diversity and inclusion” that became fashionable after the George Floyd incident. All of a sudden, companies who never cared about diverse workforces decided that it was the politically correct thing to do to enhance their brand or to keep from tarnishing their brand. In the stretch of a couple of years companies tried to “make up for” their lack of attention to this issue by changing hiring and promotion practices. The mess they created is unreal.

As a hiring manager you are required to have diverse candidates in the pool whether they are qualified or not and to have diverse interviewers on your panel. You cast about to find diverse candidates, whether qualified or not, and beg other diverse associates to help you interview. Managers run around asking the same people to interview their candidates because they check some diversity box. They cast about trying to find diverse candidates to interview even though they already know who they want to hire. Ever wonder why the same people get interviewed for many different roles. It’s because they check a box. They know it too and it’s not fair to them to make them part of the charade.

Managers know that they don’t have to hire the diverse candidates per se they just have to have them in the mix to show that they are woke to the issue of diversity. It is beyond disingenuous in my opinion. If these companies and leaders really cared about the issue, they would have done something about it before it was En vogue. This fundamental lack of leadership is not only insulting to the “diverse” workforce, but also insulting to those of who have to participate in the charade. As managers, if you don’t jump on the bandwagon, you are insensitive and not “on board” so managers are playing the game to keep in good stead with their leadership. I’ve talked to a lot of those managers, and they aren’t on board with the charade but they like their cushy jobs too much to expose the fake news.

It seems like leadership in Corporate America is about who plays the game best, not who stands up for what they believe in and does the right thing by the company and his/her people.

Fake leaders, you know who you are. You are the people who “sponsor’ diversity initiatives, publish memos about the latest injustice, or who hire people because of their race, ethnicity or sexual orientation just to further your own careers. Shame on you for pretending you care about the issue when you are just playing the game. You know who you are, and we see through you. Now, if you genuinely believe in the initiatives that’s another story but too often managers are being told what to think and how to behave to be considered “on board”. Wake up fake leaders and stand up for what you know is right, not what someone tells is you is right. Hire and promote people because they are the best qualified regardless of race, ethnicity or whatever else is fashionable at the time. Who knows there may actually be diverse candidates that are qualified to do the job, find those people not just someone who checks a box.

Don’t get me wrong, I gave plenty of people who weren’t the best qualified a job because they worked their asses off and proved that they wanted it more and I thought they deserved a chance. I didn’t care what diversity group they represented, they impressed me with their chutzpah, and I gave them a shot. At times I did it without the backing of my boss, but I didn’t care about my career more than I cared about giving someone who worked hard a shot. I don’t regret any of those hires or how it may have negatively affected my boss’s impression of my ability to hire talent. Sometimes doing the right thing is hard but you have to do it.

Hey leaders, start doing the right thing and standing up for what you believe in. Take a stand against political correctness and companies that are all of a sudden woke. Stand up for the people who deserve a chance to succeed regardless of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation or the diversity du jour. That’s inclusion in my opinion.

Leaders could learn a lot from Zelenskyy

The next fundamental lack of leadership in my opinion is on the world’s stage. When Ukraine was invaded all the so-called world leaders became weak, sniveling cowards afraid to do the right thing and stand up to the biggest bully on the planet. Instead, they sat back and put in minor sanctions and waited to see what would happen. This is another example of a lack of leadership in my opinion. Now that the Ukraine has stood up to the invaders all the politicians want to go to Kyiv and have a photo op with a real leader, Volodymyr Zelenskyy. To quote my father, these politicians couldn’t shine Zelenskyy’s shoes.

And speaking of Zelenskyy, a real leader, he stayed in Ukraine with his people. He didn’t allow his military to whisk him away to some bunker or out of the country. He stayed in his country, he ate with his soldiers, he prayed with his wife and kids who also stayed, and most importantly he visibly led his country to stand up to the biggest bully on earth. Zelenskyy took a stand, not for political reasons but for his people and the country he loves. He exemplifies a true leader. If only we had more leaders like Zelenskyy and less like the ones worried about getting re-elected or furthering their careers.

This is what real leadership looks like.

At the end of the day, you have to stand for something. Losing your cushy job, or in Zelenskyy’s case his life, is less important than doing the right thing. Your integrity is the only thing truly within your control.

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #9 – Art imitates life – 12/2/22

I am a big fan of the Amazon Prime series “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”. It was recommended to me by my friend Stacey. I’m very glad she told me to watch it.

There are some great characters in the series like her manager Susie Myerson, her in-laws, and her parents. They are all a hoot and the perfectly timed sarcasm is my favorite part. And, most of all for me I love the hustle of the main character Midge (played by Rachel Brosnahan). Her hustle stems from wanting to go from being housewife in the late 50s to a standup comedian which was unheard of back then. Midge is relentless in her pursuit of her goal.

In the first couple of seasons she works her butt off, she gives up time with her family, she fights the chauvinism of the industry, and she even goes to jail for swearing in her act because she believed in fighting for what she deserved.

I see parallels to Midge with people I’ve managed through the years. The ones that hustled to get what they wanted rather than waiting for someone to hand it to them were the ones who were most successful. Unfortunately, some of the other people who hustled started to overthink it. They started to “plan” and became paralyzed with their plan. Not to mention how the plan kept changing to the point that it was worthless. People keep changing their “plan” because it didn’t get them anywhere the first time. So hey, let me adjust my plan and surely this time it will work. Plans are a complete waste of time and frankly a form of self-sabotage in my humble opinion.

In my experience, people who work hard are more successful than people who plan. The people who put their heads down and work, do a good job and look for ways to stretch without waiting for someone to hand them opportunities are the ones who get rewarded and promoted.

Too many of the people I worked with didn’t want to put in the work, they wanted to “plan” and thought they’d achieve their goals by planning and not putting their heads down and doing the work.

Plans are for people who have no vision. They need a crutch called a plan that they keep revising because it doesn’t get them anywhere. I honestly think if you want something bad enough you have to doggedly work for it, produce consistently great results, volunteer for projects that will stretch you, and don’t look for pats on the back. Someone once told me that the people who “hustle softer” are the ones who achieve their goals. People who hustle softer are not playing politics, or looking for someone to recognize their genius. They know what they are capable of and they show you what they can do.

As the show progresses Midge gets a couple of tough breaks in the business and shifts from hustling softer to making a plan. Her plan is to be more selective in the gigs she takes. I’ve seen this too many times where people are told in business classes or by mentors that they “need a plan” and everything goes downhill from there in my opinion.

There’s a scene at the end of Season 4 where Midge is talking to Lenny Bruce about having a plan for her career and being selective about the gigs she is taking. It goes something like this:

Lenny: “Ninety percent of this game is how they see you. They see you hanging with Tony Bennett, they think you deserve to be there. They see you hauled off to jail because you said fuck at a strip club, they think you deserve that also. Wise up!”

Midge: “I’m not hiding. I have a plan.”

Lenny: “Don’t plan, work! Just work and keep working. There is a moment in this business when a window opens. If you miss it, it closes. If you blow this, Midge, you will break my fucking heart.”

I would say the same for some people I’ve managed. Those that have the potential but hide behind a plan break my heart. So much potential is wasted on planning.

Don’t plan, work. It’s just that simple.

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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Learning #10 – It’s the little things – 4/20/23

It’s the little things…

I learned early on that it’s the little things that matter most. When I was growing up we didn’t have a lot of money so my parents created memories with us in little ways. At the time I felt bad that we didn’t go on vacations like other families did but as I grew up I realized that my friends weren’t happier because they got to go to Florida for a week. Our time together focused on family, friends and lots of Italian traditions.

I remember making pizzelles at Christmas every year. In case you don’t know these are Italian cookies that you make with a waffle iron-type appliance. Pizzelles have an anise flavor that lasts in your house for days after you make the cookies. I remember watching my grandma and mom make them for hours (they would make 12 dozen at a time). Because the iron was so hot the kids had to stay away so we wouldn’t get burned. I remember when I became old enough to operate the pizzelle iron. It was a big deal and a lot of work! There’s a finesse to making pizzelles, knowing when the iron was pressed on the dough long enough to cook it but not too long or they will burn. To this day, I look forward to having that anise smell permeate my house at Christmas time.

Another fond memory was on Sundays during the summer we’d go to SNPJ lake and have a BBQ, play softball, swim and just hang out with family and friends. We went with families from the neighborhood and my cousins. It cost $20 per car load to get in and that was a big splurge for us. It was the best and we looked forward to every weekend in the Summer to find out if we had an extra $20 that week to be able to go. I believe it truly made me value the little things so much.

I know a lot of parents who think they have to take their kids on expensive, “once-in-a-lifetime vacations” or buy expensive gifts to make memories for their kids. What a waste of money that is. It’s the little things that your kids will remember. It’s the Friday night pizza night at Grandma’s, the Wednesday night game night playing old fashioned Monopoly or Scrabble games, or Sunday afternoons watching Steeler games eating buffalo chicken dip with the extended family. That’s what your kids will remember. We waste so much money on things that aren’t important or that our kids won’t remember when they grow up and have their own kids.

My friend Matthew is one of my hero’s because he lives life to the fullest in every way, has an annual Beatles name-that-tune contest with his daughter. I’ve watched a couple of them on Facebook and I can say for sure that his daughter will remember that annual event for the rest of her life. It costs nothing except for a little wine and beer to make the event more enjoyable for all but will surely be one of her best memories of time with her Dad. Matthew gets that it’s the little things.

So the next time you want to spend thousands on a “once in a lifetime” vacation remember that the best memories of that trip will be the little things like the gelato shop in the piazza where you got dessert each night or the $25 mani-pedi from the Ukrainian woman at the farmer’s market. You could save all that money on airfare and hotels and make unforgettable memories right in your backyard by focusing on the little things. I promise you that’s what your kids will remember and that’s what they should remember. Think, maybe you could retire sooner to spend more time with your family if you focused on the little things that matter and not that fancy boat that you’ll never take out of the harbor or that expensive car that gets you from point a to point b just like that five year old used car does.

I’m not big on stuff. I never was. I had all the fancy cars, houses, and gadgets in my earning years and none of them made me as happy as being able to retire when I was still healthy. Things like creating clues for a treasure hunt with a three-year old or grabbing Jersey Mike’s subs and having lunch with my 85-year old mom once a week are what really matters.

A friend’s son asked me if I had any regrets about retiring when I did. I had to think about it for a minute because it was a transition for sure but ultimately said that my only regret was that I didn’t do it sooner. Nothing in Corporate America is genuine; it’s all about making more money for the company and dominating in the space they are in. In the end, companies don’t really care about you or your happiness nor should they, that’s your responsibility. Take matters into your own hands, reflect on what really makes you happy and do what you have to do to retire while you are still healthy and can make memories with the people you love.

“Time is all we have. You may find one day that you have less than you think.” – Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Stay humble. Be kind. Work hard.

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